A to Z: Lack of Personality

I know you may find this hard to believe, but a few years ago one of my friends told me that a couple different people asked her if I had a personality.

Yeah.

Like you I was slightly disturbed that someone would even say that, but then I realized... Oh, yeah! It's not true!

You probably don't know this about me, but I'm a little shy. Sometimes shy can come across as stuck up, and apparently it can be perceived as void of personality. But once you get to know me you will (hopefully) find that the opposite of those two things is actually true.

Anyway, shortly after that conversation with my friend I told someone else what she said, and that person almost peed her pants (literally) laughing at the absurdity. Well, in honor of my lack of personality I composed a little introduction of myself. I hope you find it as edifying and bladder-defying as I do.

(Read this in a monotone.)

The verdict is in. I have no personality. It is unfortunate, I know. Perhaps this does not come as a surprise to you. English teachers are tedious as a rule. I am no exception. My deadpan expression. My blank stare. My humorless chortle. Yes, it's true. I have no personality. If you're looking for personality, you've come to the wrong place. There's nothing to see here. Just go about your business.

When you see me in a room full of people, do not smile, or wave, or try to tell me a joke. I won't laugh -- not even on the inside. You see, I have no personality. And I don't care for people who do. I'll tolerate them, yes. But only because no personality also means no depth of sentiment. I'm shallow. I'm apathetic. I have no interest in my environment. No passion. No ambition. No variety of sentence structure. It all goes together, you see. I have no personality.

I'll leave you with one final thought. Since I have no personality, one thing I can never develop is a personality disorder. And, somehow, even that does not excite me... I have no personality.

A to Z: Children

I think most of us have experienced this. If not as a parent, at least as a child. You're trapped in a small enclosed space with your worst enemy (a sibling). It's a road trip. And it doesn't matter if they are trying to bug you or not -- they BUG you. At some point during the trip, you will hear someone say, "MO-OM! SHE'S LOOKING AT ME!"

We had a similar experience. We were in the car, which is much more crowded than the van. We were on a short trip... just to church.My son and daughter were rubbing elbows -- literally -- and that is NOT a good thing. He was tired and not in the mood to be trifled with, plus he was going to church -- not his favorite.

After the usually bickering about which seatbelt belonged to whom and who was touching whom(to which, of course, I had wisely replied, "Keep your hands to yourselves"), my daughter committed one final crime which could not be tolerated in even the worst of torture chambers:

"MO-OM!!! Her doll is LOOKING at me!"

Well, I'm sorry, but it was so funny I just had to laugh. I mean, her doll? That was one I had never heard. However, my laughing was also not to be tolerated (I probably did overdo it a bit-- but, dang it, that was funny!).

In utter exasperation, my son turned his anger on me, "MOM, THAT IS ZERO PER CENT FUNNY!"

Kids... you gotta love 'em!

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